Title: The Like Switch Pdf An Ex-FBI Agent's Guide to Influencing, Attracting, and Winning People Over
Author: Jack Schafer
Published Date: 2015-01-13
Page: 288
“Whether you wish to be better at sales, reading a room, or recruiting Soviet spies, Jack outlines the skills necessary to make you a better communicator at all levels. As a professional, I learned something new on almost every page that will help to influence others. You will find hundreds of tips and insights in this book that will be immensely useful in any business or social setting.” Author: Dr. Jim Reilly, former astronaut, Mach25Management"This practical and insightful guide to influencing people, based on behavioral analysis and hard-won experience at the FBI, is filled with dozens of useful tips and techniques that can be applied immediately. I enjoyed it and learned a lot!" Author: William Ury, coauthor of Getting to Yes and author of The Power of a Positive No John R. “Jack” Schafer, PhD, is a psychologist, professor, intelligence consultant, and former FBI Special Agent. Dr. Schafer spent fifteen years conducting counter-intelligence and counterterrorism investigations, and seven years as a behavioral analyst for the FBI’s National Security Division’s Behavioral Analysis Program. He developed spy recruitment techniques, interviewed terrorists, and trained agents in the art of interrogation and persuasion. Dr. Schafer contributes online pieces for Psychology Today Magazine, has authored/coauthored six books, and has published numerous articles in professional and popular journals. He is a professor with the School of Law Enforcement and Criminal Justice at Western Illinois University.Marvin Karlins received his PhD in Psychology from Princeton University and is currently Professor of Management at the University of South Florida’s College of Business Administration. Dr. Karlins consults internationally on issues of interpersonal effectiveness and has also authored twenty-four books, including two national bestsellers, What Every Body Is Saying and It’s a Jungle in There. He resides in Riverview, Florida, with his wife, Edyth, and daughter, Amber.
The Like Switch is packed with all the tools you need for turning strangers into friends, whether you are on a sales call, a first date, or a job interview. As a Special Agent for the FBI’s National Security Division’s Behavioral Analysis Program, Dr. Jack Schafer developed dynamic and breakthrough strategies for profiling terrorists and detecting deception. Now, Dr. Schafer has evolved his proven-on-the-battlefield tactics for the day-to-day, but no less critical battle of getting people to like you.
In The Like Switch, he presents these techniques for how you can influence, attract, and win people over. Learn how to think and react like your favorite TV investigators from Criminal Minds or CSI as Dr. Schafer shows you how to improve your LQ (Likeability Quotient), “spot the lie” both in person and online, master nonverbal cues that influence how people perceive you, and turn up or turn down the intensity of a relationship.
Dr. Schafer cracks the code on making great first impressions, building lasting relationships, and understanding others’ behavior to learn what they really think about you. With tips and techniques that hold the key to taking control of your communications, interactions, and relationships, The Like Switch shows you how to read others and get people to like you for a moment or a lifetime.
Okay on personal communication with little reference to FBI stuff My review title says it all. Sorry to say that those who want insights from an ex FBI agent will be disappointed. So will be those who had read more than two books on personal communications. There are many good and practical ideas. Yet, it would be much better if the author had employed a better editor and made the chapters/topics more organised and structured, and the whole book more coherent.p.s. Below please find some favorite passages of mine for your reference.Friendship = Proximity + Frequency + Duration + Intensity pg4You can extricate yourself from unwanted relationships by slowly decreasing each of the basic elements of the Friendship Formula. This gradual decrease will let the unwanted person down incrementally without hurting their feelings and without seeming like an abrupt break in the relationship. In most case, the unwanted person will naturally come to the conclusion that the relationship is no longer viable and seek more rewarding interactions. Pg9In dating environments, men should make a conscious effort to cant their heads to one side of the other when approaching women or else they may be perceived as predators. Pg30The telltale signs of a genuine smile are the upturned corners of the mouth and upward movement of the cheecks accompanied by wrinkling around the edges of the eyes. Pg32Isopraxism is the fancy term for mirroring, a nonverbal practice that can be used to make friendship development easier and more effective. Pg40The Golden Rule of Friendship – If you want people to like you, make them feel good about themselves. Pg75The basic formula for constructing emphathic statemens is “So you….” We naturally tend to say something to the effect of “I understand how you feel.” The other person then automatically thinks , NO, you don’t know I feel because you are not me. Pg77Empathic statements also serve as effective conversation fillers….All you have to remember is the last thing the person said and construct an empathic statement based on that information….It is far better to use a series of empathic statement when you have nothing to say than to say something inappropriate. Pg80If you go looking for a friend, you’re going to find they’re very scarce. If you go out to be a friend, you’ll find them everywhere. – Zig Ziglar pg96Ultimately the bond of all companionship, whether in marriage or friendship, is conversation. – Oscar Wilde pg121The more you can encourage the other person to speak, the more you listen to what they say, display empathy, and respond positively when reacting to their comments, the greater the likehood that person will feel good about themselves and you like as a result. Pg121LOVE - Listen. Observe. Vocalize. Empathize. Pg126Giving someone the feeling they have some control over a situation can work wonders, even with children….Salespeople use the alternate response question all the time. When you go to a car dealership, a good salesperson will not ask you if you want to buy a car. They will ask you if you like blue cars or red cars…..Good salespeople give the customers the illusion that they are in control of the car buying experience, when in fact the salespeople are directly you through a well-choreographed presentation. Pg147People have a need to be right, but people have a stronger need to correct others….Making presumptive statements is an elicitation technique that presents a fact that can be either right or wrong……ME: How much is this diamond?Clerk: One hundred and ninety dollars.ME: Woooh, the markup must be at least 150%. (presumptive statement)Clerk: No. It’s only 50%.ME: And then your 10% commission. (presumptive statement)Clerk: Not that much. I only get 5%.ME: I suppose you don’t have the authority to discount. (presumptive statement)Clerk: I am authorized to give a 10% discount. Anything after that, the manager has to approve.ME: Ask the manager if he will sell this at a 40% discount…..Pg150When people receive something either physically or emotionally they feel the need to reciprocate by giving back something of equal or greater value (Law of Reciprocity). Quid pro quo is an elicitation technique that encourages people to match information provided by others. Pg154During your conversation, you should seek common ground (Law of Similarity) with the other person. You should also use empathic statements to keep the focus on that individual. In short, you want to make the other person feel good about themselves (Golden Rule of Friendship). Pg155Elicitation technique known as internal/external foci. To find out what your loved one really thinks about cheating, you need to approach the topic from a third person perspective. Instead of the direct question, “what do you think about cheating?” you want to say, “My friend Susan caught her husband cheating. What do you think about that?”pg155And as every spy knows, common enemies are how allies always begin. – Ally Carter, Don’t judge a girl by her cover pg242Discover How to Turn on The Like Switch Have you ever wanted to get better at connecting with people? Specifically, what can you do if you want others to be drawn to you? You might think of some obvious ways, such as smiling or being authentic, but these are just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to attracting people and winning them over. In the book, The Like Switch: An Ex-FBI Agent’s Guide to Influencing, Attracting, and Winning People Over, authors Jack Schafer and Marvin Karlins share practical strategies for getting an accurate read of people and positively influencing them.I have often said I try not to read too much into body language and focus more on what people are saying. It turns out, this is not a good strategy for understanding where people are coming from, as a large percentage of communication comes from almost universal non-verbal signals such as head tilts, eyebrow raises, and smiles. Who better to reveal these cues than an FBI agent trained in the skill of instantly reading a room and winning people over who are not naturally disposed toward trusting them? These methods have even been used effectively to encourage resistant informants to openly share their secrets. Fortunately, these principles are clearly presented in The Like Switch.They present a simple formula for Friendship that combines Frequency + Proximity + Duration + Intensity. If all this sounds too contrived, just consider the basic truth that people enjoy being around those who make them feel good about themselves. Actually, that’s not too far off from the Golden Rule of Jesus that says “Do to others whatever you would like them to do to you.” (Matthew 7:12, NLT) When you are genuinely interested in someone, the Golden Rule of Friendship inspires reciprocity. They, in turn, become more interested in you.In our high-tech digital culture, it can be even harder to read the signs of whether or not you are effectively connecting with someone. The authors devote some time to helping you understand how to read the signs of honesty through social media and other types of digital communication as well so you can avoid being the victim of the latest cyber-scam or catfishing attempt.Another helpful acronym explained in the book is the word LOVE, which stands for Listen, Observe, Vocalize, and Empathize. Simply put, this reminds us to engage in active listening through eye-contact and never interrupting (something I really have to work on), looking for those non-verbal cues, respond appropriately with what you say and help them to know that you understand where they are coming from.The Like Switch is especially helpful for anyone who wants to grow in their ability to develop relationships with others. It is interesting throughout with lots of real-world examples to illustrate the ideas they present. I was personally challenged to continually grow in these skills by becoming a better reader of those non-verbal signals and to be a better listener. I highly recommend this book if you also are ready to develop these relational skills.
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